He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
