I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
