i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
