Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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