Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
