i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
