when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
