Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize