haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
