I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
