If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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