just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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