he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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