This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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