hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
