Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
