you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
