hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
