She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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