I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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