My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
