I molested 6 butterflies tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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