so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
