I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
