i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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