We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's blow job season.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
