When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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