you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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