wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you so shy because you have an std?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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