Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize