i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
