Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
