Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize