and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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