I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
