Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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