does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize