my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
