ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize