all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
