I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
