i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
