OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he thought i was a dude.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
