best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
