I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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