I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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