So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
