Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize