i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize