5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
