We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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