I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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