Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
