Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
