# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize