Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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