I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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