I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
