I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
