I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
