Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
false alarm, still single
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
