Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
