i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
