im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
