okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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